A CRAZY Branch in the Bondurant Family Tree.
A lot of people ask, "Are you related to the Bondurant's portrayed in the movie, Lawless? Here's my answer (and a lesson I learned about it).
I’m currently in Brazil with my son as he competes in a soccer tournament (follow along here). This week, I’m sharing two of the most successful posts over the years from AndyBondurant.com. If you have some time, take a look at the site, there is a ton of great information from the past 10 years.
Lawless
This weekend, Kia and I (re)watched the movie Lawless. Lawless holds a special place in my heart because it’s the story of my kin - the notorious Bondurant boys.
The Bondurants from Lawless are my true flesh and blood (I’m often asked about former racecar driver, Bob Bondurant. I’m sure there is some relation but not direct) The Lawless Bondurants are my grandfather’s first cousins. They played together as kids. Like Matt Bondurant, who authored The Wettest County in the World: A Novel Based on a True Story, which the movie is based on, I knew nothing about the story of the Bondurant boys until watching the movie. It is a truly crazy branch in my family tree.
If you haven’t seen the movie, Lawless tells the tale of 3 Bondurant brothers - Howard, Forest, and Jack. These infamous moonshiners living in prohibition-era Franklin, Virginia race throughout the county evading the law and battling gangsters.
The story hinges on Jack and opens with the brothers as boys in a pig pen. Howard and Forest hound Jack to shoot the prized pig. Jack can’t do it. Hanging his head in shame, Jack watches Forest finish the job. No matter how hard pushed, no matter how many opportunities given, Jack constantly faces this question,
“Am I enough to be a Bondurant?”
Jack, though, is at a disadvantage. Howard went to the Great War (WWI) and saw his entire company killed in one day. Howard was the lone survivor. When Howard was away, Forest was left to care for Jack and the family as their parents died unexpectedly early.
It’s easy to miss Jack’s disadvantage because it goes against our natural inclination. Jack’s problem was a lack of pain; life was too easy. His brothers sheltered and covered for him. While Howard was pushed by the weight of being the sole survivor, and care of the family business propelled Forest. Nothing pushed Jack forward, so he went nowhere.
As with all great movies, everything changes with an inciting incident. Not to spoil the movie, but it is one twist of the wrist when Jack finally feels deep and personal pain. This pain pushes Jack to places he hasn’t gone before. The opportunity was always there, but Jack always held back. Jack’s emotional pain disables the fear of physical pain. He is pushed to attack.
Using Pain in Your Story.
The arch of Jack’s story changed when he truly faces pain.
Pain is vital to any story - fictional or real. Pain pushes us forward or causes us to shrink back. There is no middle ground when pain invades. Pain gives us 2 choices:
Retreat
I categorize the first 30 years of my life like Jack’s. My parents divorced, which is a great source of pain for some people, however, because I was so young (3 years old) it wasn’t until I was much older that I understood the significance of growing up without a father.
My grandfather died when I was 7 or 8, but I wasn’t close to him. In 7th grade, I realized I would never be a baseball star. I missed the school bus on occasion. All are truly inconsequential in the grand scheme of life.
The last 15 years of life are a different story. I was inches away from bankruptcy, losing $100,000 in a week. I walked away from a business, though it was fiscally solvent, because of internal strife. I’ve watched close relationships explode. I saw a close high school friend killed by cancer. One of my best friends lost his wife to cancer. I’ve walked with my children through their battles.
During this last decade and a half, pain has been near. At times I retreated, but other times I attacked.
[And as I contemplate this writing 8 years after originally posting it, I see how in my early years I both attacked and retreated when encountering pain I did face.]
Word of the Year
In 2011 I began a practice called the Word of the Year. Every year I have chosen one word to focus on for that year. It’s a spiritual practice, but it is also very practical and creative. In 2011 my word was FREEDOM. This year (2023) my word is PEACE.
My 2015 Word of the Year was ATTACK. This is one of the lessons I learned about ATTACK. When pain changes the arch of your story, you have the choice to attack or retreat. I encourage you to attack.
We all face pain. It’s never a question of if but when. What will you do with gut-wrenching, bone-crushing heartbreak? While there is a time for retreat, I encourage you to attack.
ATTACK…a warning
Be careful in what you attack though. Pain will tell you to attack a person, an organization, or an institution. It may be appropriate, but it won’t alleviate the pain. Pain ends when new life begins. You will find new life when you -
Attack life.
Attack a dream.
Attack a spiritual Enemy.
Attacking a person will only cause more pain. A great example of attacking a problem without making it solely about A person is Rachel Denhollander. Rachel was one of the USA gymnasts sexually abused by physician Larry Nassar. She was the first person to accuse Nasser of abuse, breaking the silence and opening the door for other young women. She pursued Nassar until he was jailed, but she hasn’t made attacking Larry Nassar’ her sole purpose in life.
Rachel Denhollander has continued to use the pain of her abuse to drive her to become a lawyer and fight injustice in other areas. She used her pain to attack life and the spiritual enemy of abuse of power, manipulation, and deception.
Your Story of Battling Pain
In 2011, I began to use the pain in my life as fuel to attack life. I began to dream about what it was I wanted to do with my time and the second half of my life.
It began with writing. It continued by investing in my family. I found purpose in pastoring and coaching. I used my pain to attack life. But this is my story. What is your story?
How have you attacked the pain you’ve encountered in life?
Would you be bold and share it here? When we hear the stories of other people’s purpose in the face of their pain, it gives us hope. Give someone hope with your story.
Writing Playlist
I don’t know if we have the same taste in music, but here are some songs to explore. All the links go to Spotify. While writing this post, this is some of what I was listening to:
Jazz Mix (different than last week)
Deconstruction - Lecrae (I know a lot of people have serious and real church hurt. This song addresses how Lecrae dealt with his own church hurt)
And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles