Asking for a Friend
It's been around since people have been following God, but it's at the forefront of mind in the Christian world again today. What do I do when it seems God is absent, distant, or hidden?
In 2024, I’ve taken to writing in segments of month-long series. In January I focused on the Word of the Year, and in February was understanding the promises of God. I am shifting to a new series as we are now in a new month.
Books have been written on these topics, so a handful of posts will never fully cover a topic — especially one as deep as disappointment with God. I encourage you to check out a couple of different books if you would like to dive deeper into this subject:
Disappointment with God by Phillip Yancey
Sandbox to Museum by Jared Scholz
Finally, I know you have walked through difficult, heartbreaking situations in your life. If I address something that triggers a point of pain for you, that was not my intention. I encourage you to seek healing, and I would love to help you as much as I can.
The Life of Chap
I have a friend, who is best described as eccentric. Chap is a great guy who finds himself in all types of interesting situations because he is always interested in other people.
Chap recently was in Dallas for a bachelor party and found out our church staff was heading his way for a conference. He was sitting in the airport ready to catch a flight home when he heard the news. Instead of doing what most of us would do (think, “Bummer, I missed those guys by a day!”), Chap left the airport and headed downtown, waiting six hours to meet us at the arena to watch a Dallas Mavericks NBA game. The next morning he woke up at 5AM to fly home.
Chap delivers Uber Eats orders as he puts himself through school, and this only leads to more adventures.
One time Chap delivered to a group of guys watching the NBA playoffs. Chap is a huge basketball fan and regularly wears jerseys. That day was no different, so these guys invited him to their party. The next thing he knows he’s in the pool with a drink in one hand and a mini basketball in the other and about to dunk on some stranger.
Chap left with a $20 tip.
Time to make the shake.
My favorite Chap story (other than he drives a minivan with an “Archery Mom” bumper sticker on it) is another Uber Eats delivery.
Chap got a call to deliver an order from a local Steak N Shake restaurant. Whether Chap knew it at the time is debatable, but this particular Steak N Shake location is sketchy (or ‘sus’ as my kids would say). In the few months since this took place, the location has closed - probably because more drugs were sold there than hamburgers or milkshakes.
So Chap’s friend, Joel received a video text from Chap that night. Chap begins by saying, “Dude, you’re not going to believe this.” Then proceeds to video himself walking through the restaurant starting at the front doors. As he walks through the dining room, then to the front counter, and then to the kitchen doors, a pattern emerges. No one is around.
The restaurant is empty…of anyone.
Chap walks into the kitchen and then into the manager’s office. The entire building is empty. Then the video ends.
Joel was lying in bed watching this video and leaned over to show it to his wife. As only a woman would do, she began to worry about Chap (guys never think about these things). So Joel texted Chap back. Nothing. Joel called Chap. No answers. Now Joel is truly getting worried.
Just as Joel’s finger began to tap out 9-1-1, Chap called back and said,
“Sorry dude, I was making a shake.”
Empty shells
The Steak N Shake Chap walked into was an empty shell of a restaurant. Quite literally, the doors were open, the lights were on, but no one was home. Just as Chap experienced that night, it is an eery experience to enter an empty shell of a building you expect to be full of life and energy (okay, any energy at all).
It is just as disconcerting to encounter the empty shell of a person.
As a pastor, it is not uncommon for me to talk with people who have this affect about their faith.
Where they once believed and had a life that was full of faith, there is now just an empty shell. Typically, they are dealing with the hurts of life - the loss of a loved one, the break-up of a deep relationship (marriage, friendship, family), a financial crash, a health crisis, the church hurting them, or any other painful experience.
All of these are real, and I don’t take them lightly.
In the past year, I’ve witnessed a mother who learned her son had taken his own life, I’ve had conversations with couples who don’t know if they can continue to keep their marriage together, I’ve walked with people struggling with addiction, and I’ve talked with men and women who have been hurt by the actions (or inaction) of their parents.
It’s easy to allow these experiences to hollow us out. Where once was faith, hope and joy now reside doubt, disappointment, and bitterness. I talk to people all of the time who are going through the deep struggles of life, and their thoughts often lead to one statement and one question:
”This was not how it’s supposed to be.”
“Where was God?”
Disappointment with God
If I were to condense this into just a phrase, it would be ‘disappointment with God.’
Recently, in Christian circles, it’s been referred to as “deconstruction” or “deconversion”. We may have a new title for this experience, but this isn’t a new activity. It actually may be one of the oldest spiritual crises known to man. We can trace it back to the Book of Job — who lived sometime between Noah and Abraham.
There is an entire book written that captures his story of wealth, loss, and reaction.
If you’re not familiar with Job’s story, Job was wealthy in every sense. He had a beautiful family - sons and daughters. He had an amazing home. He was rich with cattle, sheep, and goats. Job had everything anyone could want, and it wasn’t just material wealth. Job was respected among all who knew him. Job had it all.
Until he didn’t.
In a matter of days, Job lost everything. His sons and daughters were all killed. His house was destroyed. His livestock was stolen. Even his health was attacked. All that Job had left was his life and his wife, but even his wife told him to curse God and die.
So Job did what any of us would do. He asked, “Why?”
Specifically, Job asked for a meeting with God. He wanted to see and question why God would allow such horrible things to him, who by all accounts was a righteous person. But God was silent.
Job is so frustrated with God’s silence that he says,
“But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.” -Job 23:8-9 NLT
By all accounts, God seemed
absent
distant
hidden
You are not alone.
It is very possible you feel this way about God.
You may be going through a difficult situation. It might be your marriage is on the rocks. Maybe your health is failing. It could be your finances are plummeting. Your church could have hurt you. In your pain, you may have cried out to God, and he seems absent, distant, or hidden.
God may be silent in your situation.
Over the next few weeks, I want to share both hope and help. I’ll show you how God uses pain to create purpose, and where Jesus tells his followers we are to expect trouble. I’ll share three ways to become real with yourself, God, and others. I’ll encourage you to hold onto Jesus, even when you see no sign of him. Until then I leave you with this thought.
You are not alone.
If the story and struggle of Job show us anything, it is faithfully following God will require walking through heartache. All of us who attempt to walk with Jesus experience pain. We all will be disappointed in God. But let me skip to the end (spoiler alert).
Salvation comes to those who endure.
I’ll show you how to endure in the coming weeks, but for now, know that we are all walking through this together. We need each other to lean on when times are difficult. I need you to pull me forward today, and you’ll need me to do the same tomorrow.
If you would like to talk more about what you are struggling with, please message me. Let’s chat.
Writing Playlist
I don’t know if we have the same taste in music, but here are some songs to explore. All the links go to Spotify. While writing this post, this is some of what I was listening to:
Back on 74 (remix) - Jungle + Full Crate
Joy in the Morning - Tauren Wells + Elevation (get to the bridge - about halfway through the song)
Praise - Brandon Lake, Chandler Moore, Chris Brown + Elevation
