The Unoffendable Heart
If a mature follower of Jesus is difficult to offend, how mature are you?
My older son is currently in Huntington Beach, California participating in a missions training program called Circuit Riders. He’ll be in California until Christmas break, and then he’ll leave for a 2-3 month mission outreach in a yet-to-be-defined location.
Part of his training includes learning media skills like storytelling, design, photography, and videography among others. One of his initial projects was to create a short campaign promoting one of the core values of the Circuit Riders program.
His team’s job is to explain what Circuit Riders calls “The Culture of an Unoffendable Heart.”
Developing an Unoffendable Heart
Our family is very sarcastic. It begins with me, and I’ve passed it on to my kids. Right or wrong, I’ve taught them to have a thick skin. However, what is normal in our family is not normal for everyone. Our son mentioned he’s noticed this difference between himself and many of the other students in this training program (over 150).
He quipped, “I’m helping people learn to have an unoffendable heart.”
He joked about offending others with his sarcasm, but in it was a grain of truth. Sarcastic or sincere, living with others gives us an unending series of opportunities to be offended or unoffenable.
Maturity is Unoffendable
Our conversation reminded me of a quote I heard from Dallas Willard who was one of our generation’s great Christian thinkers. He studied to be a Baptist preacher but continued his education to receive his doctorate in philosophy. Instead of pastoring, he became an educator and taught at the USC School of Philosophy. Among the books he wrote include The Divine Conspiracy.
Addressing a group of soon-to-be ministers, this is what Dallas Willard said about offense:
“A mature Christian is someone very difficult to offend.”
In essence, Circuit Riders value developing not just future missionaries but mature followers of Jesus. This is no small task considering most of their students are between the ages of 18-24, but spiritual maturity is not reliant on age. It’s dependent on the state of heart.
I’ve been reading through the book of Proverbs which is a massive collection of sayings that define a mature follower of Jesus (wisdom). Most of the book is filled with short, two-line statements like this:
Whoever covers an offense seeks love,
but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. -Proverbs 17:9 (ESV)
As a living and breathing person, it is impossible not to be offensive on occasion. While I need to work hard to reduce the times I offend, my maturity is defined by my ability to overlook or cover the offense of someone else. In other words, I should:
Seek to build bridges.
Work to not blow up bridges already built.
Both of these actions require one important ingredient — humility.
1. Build Bridges
Years ago, with my wife and her family, we built an organization and conference for portrait photographers. We found initial success which brought with it competition. A few years after we started our business, a friend started a competing business. He was just following his dreams, but to me, it was a huge offense. Notice building bridges is about me and you; it’s not about the other person.
Due to the nature of the industry, there were multiple times we were forced to be in the same room together. Everything in me wanted to ignore him, tell him off, do anything but build a bridge between us. I chose to cover the offense. I talked with him. I was friendly. I wished him well. I didn’t want to…at all.
Several years later, we closed that business, and I moved on to ministry while Kia continued in the industry. She too covered the offense by attending his conference. It was hard for her, and it was a huge source of encouragement — both the information and the relationships.
Today, because we chose to cover the offense, I’ve had the opportunity to preach and minister at his conference. Some of my most memorable ministry moments have happened because of the relationship I worked to maintain.
2. Maintain Bridges
Covering offense isn’t just about building new bridges or repairing old bridges, it’s also about working hard not to blow up the bridges you’ve already built.
In my research on Dallas Willard, I read a story about an experience he had in one of his classes. One of his students challenged him with a statement that was both offensive and inaccurate. Pausing for a moment, Willard said to the class, “I think this is probably a good place to end the discussion.” He dismissed the class, and as the class filed out, one of his students pulled him aside and asked him why he hadn’t corrected the student’s obvious error. Willard replied,
“I am practicing the discipline of not having to have the last word.”
Fighting to have the last word blows up bridges. It either creates new offenses or deepens the ones already present. The discipline of not fighting for the last word is a sign of maturity.
My challenge for you this week is to join the same track as a group of young adults in California. I want you to develop an unoffendable heart. Build and maintain the bridges of friendship in your life. Become mature.
Is your heart unoffendable?
Writing Playlist
I don’t know if we have the same taste in music, but here are some songs to explore. All the links go to Spotify. While writing this post, this is some of what I was listening to:
Another Late Night - Groove Armada (one of my all-time favorite albums)
All Creatures - Shane + Shane, Davy Flowers
take control - Fount + Flame
This is really good, Andy. Love the stories (especially about the competitor). I recently learned that many of the Amish parents who lost children to the school shooter a few years ago attended his funeral. Unoffendable.
BTW, I enjoyed seeing you last weekend...officiating Amber's wedding. :-) Would love to connect with you again one of these days. Thanks again for the wisdom of getting beyond offense.