How To Find The Best Guide For Your Story
You are the hero in your story, but the potential to play the victim or villain always lurks. You need a guide to walk with you to help and encourage you to be the person God created you to be.
A rare occurrence took place in Kansas City that has definitely not happened in the last ten years. On Monday, October 7, the Royals (local baseball team) and the Chiefs (local football team) played on the same night. It is rare to see both the football and baseball teams play on the same day in October because the baseball team must be good enough to make the playoffs.
It has been ten years since the KC Royals have been in the playoffs. Before the 2014 and 2015 seasons, it had been 30 years since the Royals had been that good. Those Royals teams were good in the two years, and the Chiefs were good but not at the championship level.
This recent Monday evening was memorable for the sports fans in KC, but what makes the difference between this good team and the past ten years of futility?
In a word: coaching.
Both teams have great players (because every good team has outstanding players). You could call them the heroes of the story each team is telling. However, the coaches position the players to be their best. Every great team has a great coach. Ten years ago, Andy Reid was hired to coach the Chiefs. It began a turnaround for the team. Two years ago, the Royals hired Matt Quatraro, who turned the team from one of the worst in all of baseball to a playoff team.
No matter how great a player is, he still needs a coach. Or, you could say every hero needs a guide.
Heroes, Guides, and Guards
This month, I’m sharing a way to view the world to help you understand what you face in your day-to-day struggle. In a nutshell, you live a story in your heart and mind. Your story has heroes, guides, victims, and villains.1 In the last post, I shared how you play the hero in your story, but within you, there is also the potential to live as the victim.2 To overcome this and other obstacles in our lives, we need someone to help us. We need a coach. We need a guide.
Today’s question: Every hero has a guide, so who is your guide?
We are using the framework of David's rise from shepherd to king to help us navigate this concept of hero, guides, and guards. Last week, we saw how the villain in David’s story began as the hero, but he played the victim in his story. Ultimately, this led him to become the villain. To keep from playing the victim in our story and turning to the villain in someone else’s story, we need a guide.
David’s Search for a Guide
David realized he needed a guide early in his story.
Like many of us, David's initial guide was a parent—his father. Jesse led and guided David, positioning him to learn and grow in order to become the man God wanted him to be. But David realized his need for another guide in the heat of battle when his father was not around.
When David famously faced Goliath, his father sent him to visit his brothers on the battlefield. There, David played the hero by moving in authority. He confidently asked the men around him what was happening with Goliath day after day, taunting the army of Israel, yet it was also here where he realized he needed a guide. This is how the Bible records an interaction with his brother:
But when David’s oldest brother, Eliab, heard David talking to the men, he was angry. “What are you doing around here anyway?” he demanded. “What about those few sheep you’re supposed to be taking care of? I know about your pride and deceit. You just want to see the battle!”
“What have I done now?” David replied. “I was only asking a question!”
He walked over to some others and asked them the same thing and received the same answer. Then David’s question was reported to King Saul, and the king sent for him. -1 Samuel 17:28-31
David assumed his older brother could be his guide, but Eliab wanted nothing to do with this annoyance of a little brother.3 Sent to see King Saul, David hoped to find the guide he needed, but Saul first offers resistance (you’re just a kid) and then gives (literal) ill-fitting help in the form of armor too big for David.
Scripture makes it clear David walked forward in authority, but it was the guide he lacked. David defeated the giant with a rock and sling, but he needed someone to walk with him through the ups and downs life would present him in the coming years. In the very next chapter, we see the guide emerge in David’s story.
Guides: Expect the Unexpected
You might think it is Samuel. The two books of the Bible containing much of David’s story are named after the prophet Samuel, and Samuel was the guide to Saul. He had led a king, and he anointed David as the future king of Israel. However, when you read through the rest of David’s story, Samuel only appears a few more times, yet another character truly walks with David in the coming years of trials. It is not who you would think would be the guide to the next king of Israel.
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.
And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. -1 Samuel 18:1-4
Jonathan, the son and heir of King Saul, was to guide David.
Find the Perfect Guide for Your Story
The man who should have been David’s chief rival became his guide. Here are three tips to help you discern if the right person is guiding you through your story.
1. A guide recognizes the hero’s authority.
When things are going well for you, you won’t need anyone to remember the power and authority you walk in. It will flow from and through you naturally. However, in the shadows, you will need a friend to remind you who you are. A guide knows who God created you to be.
In David’s story, he is forced into the wilderness, fleeing from Saul's jealousy-fueled rage. Jonathan finds David in hiding to encourage him:
“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.”
- 1 Samuel 23:17
There was no illusion in Jonathan’s eyes of who David was. He was the anointed king of Israel. He knew the authority David, the hero, carried. He was happy to recognize and support David in his journey as the king (even if that meant he would not become the next king himself).
Who sees your strengths and weaknesses and is willing to work with you on your weaknesses but never dismisses what you are good at? This is the kind of person you want for a guide. You want a guide who will help you move into the places God is calling you.
An excellent guide has this perspective because they know ultimately it will lead to their own win.
2. Your win becomes your guide’s win.
Let’s go back to the coach analogy, but not the head coach. The assistant coach's goal is to guide the players on the field in their specific role or function. When that player finally excels, not many people will remember the assistant coach’s part in helping that player make strides forward.
But that’s okay because, for the assistant coach, the player’s win is their win.
Jonathan was willing and happy to assist David in becoming the king. It would mean Jonathan would never be more than second in command, but he realized that a win for David was a win for him. This attitude permeated the relationship between Jonathan and David. Jonathan constantly provided support for David in his trials and victories.
You want a guide who will be willing to sit back and let you shine. They will be comfortable knowing that they don’t need credit or praise for their role in your success.
This isn’t easy, because this attitude comes with a price.
3. The guide puts the hero’s welfare above his own.
Gandalf threw himself into the chasm to face the Balrog demon, and Obi-Wan Kenobi battled Darth Vader in the bowels of the Death Star. Both of these guides were willing to die to see the hero survive.
Jonathan was clearly in David’s corner long before his proclamation in 1 Samuel 23. Earlier in the story, Jonathan and David devise a plan to determine Saul's mindset regarding David. David purposefully missed a religious feast meal, and Saul accused him of treason.4
Here, Jonathan threw himself into the chasm. He stood up to the villain, his father, and it nearly cost him his life.
Saul threw a spear at Jonathan, and whether he meant to kill Jonathan or just scare him, Saul sent a clear message about those who defied him. From that point on, every bit of help Jonathan gave to David was a risk for his own life.
A great guide is willing to die for the hero.
This is the picture painted by the ultimate guide, Jesus. He threw himself into the chasm. He stood face-to-face with the evil ruler of this world.
You are a hero, so who is your guide?
If your life isn’t heading down the path you think it should consider this question again. Do the guide(s) in your life recognize your authority? Are your wins their wins? Do they put your welfare above their own?
If you can’t confidently answer, “Yes!” to each of those questions, it may be time to find a new guide. If you can’t name the person who is filling each of these roles in your life, it may be time to search for your guide. You are the star of your show, so find the right guide.
But you aren’t just a hero. You’re also a guide in someone else’s story. What kind of guide are you playing? Are you a guide or a guard? These are our topics for the coming two weeks.
Many of these ideas were spawned by two authors - John Eldredge and Donald Miller. Eldredge writes his book Epic from a purely spiritual perspective, and Miller writes A Million Miles in a Thousand Years from a broader context (though still from a Christian worldview). Donald Miller has turned this idea of a story built within all of us into a business. He teaches businesses how to use hero and guide language in marketing and branding. This is summed up in his book StoryBrand.
This does not minimize the reality that people have genuinely victimized some of us. If that is you, I encourage you to walk with someone (a professional, if possible) through the process of healing. In other words, find a guide to help you recover from victim to hero.
As a father of two sons, I’ve seen this play out many times. I am thankful to watch their interaction mature as they both have grown older. To a certain extent, the older brother is now a guide for the younger even though they are separated by 1500 miles.
1 Samuel 20