I’m 50, My Kids Are Grown, and I’m Starting Over (Sort Of)
At 50, with our last child graduating, I’m stepping into a new season—going back to school to deepen my faith, embrace spiritual formation, and help others truly know God.
Life Update
I begin this week with a brief update on my personal life, which informs the rest of this week’s post.
About 18 months ago, I turned 50, and next school year, we will graduate our last high school senior (of four kids…and a load of other kids who have seemed like our own at times). Being firmly in the second half of my life, it naturally leads to reflection, which I’ve discussed at length with Kia and others in my life.
What’s next?
Over the last few years of my ministry life, I’ve found myself having a similar conversation again and again: “How do I know God?” That shouldn’t be news to you because it’s the whole premise of this email. However, I often find myself at a loss as to how to lead those I meet with into a deeper, fuller, richer life with God.
How are we spiritually formed?
Which leads me to a new step in life. I’m going back to school!
This fall, I will begin a Master of Arts in Christian Spiritual Formation and Leadership (CSFL) at Friends University. Taken directly from their website, in this program, I will “receive the tools and resources for developing a framework for spiritual formation while building a stronger theological foundation.” From a career perspective, this won’t change much, if anything, for the time being. I’ll remain on staff at Cross Points Church in the same capacity.
Today’s post is a short essay I presented as part of my application process, explaining in further detail why I chose to pursue the CSFL program. Then, for the rest of the month, I’ll share with you three different truths of myself and God which lead me to this next step in life:
Stop Playing it Safe
Whole-Hearted Service
Hear —> Listen —> Understand
A Good (Lost) Kid
I grew up a church kid.1 From an early age, I learned about right and wrong, good and bad, sinners and saints from my mother and the church. But like many church kids, this head knowledge didn’t transfer to my heart as I entered high school.
I was a good kid, but lost.
As a student attending a Christian school, recognized by staff and students as a good kid, I was voted onto a spiritual leadership committee. I recall attending a mandatory retreat, dusting off my Bible, and opening it for the first time in months on my own. During this devotion time, I did the proverbial “point and read” act. Sitting on a bunk bed in a dingy retreat center, I met a God I’d never known before. That moment was transformational, and it put me on a path toward not just discipleship but ministry.
Steve Magness, a performance coach for professional athletes and business leaders, said, “Consistency compounds. Small steps repeated over time lead to big gains.” I found this to be true as I was faithful in my ministry roles, but somehow I mistook the work of ministry for the transformative truth of knowing God. I never retreated from my faith, but it wasn’t a daily, living, breathing spiritual interaction with God. It was just another part of my “good” life.
Even more damning, it was a part of my “good” job.
Crisis is a powerful catalyst.
Not quite ten years into my career, I was ready for a new challenge and left professional ministry to work with my wife, joining her family’s business. We created an organization and conference for portrait photographers nationwide. It was a massive success from the start on a total upward trajectory until the recession of 2008-2009. I won’t waste space with details, except for one important note: in just one week in early 2009, we lost over $100,000, and no easy way to repay that debt.
In my case, the financial crisis led to a relational conflict with my wife’s family. It started us down a road of closing multiple dying businesses and splitting with her parents on the one remaining successful business. This financial crisis and relational conflict forced me to seek God as I had never done before, but it also challenged me to see God in a brand new way.
Crisis + Desperation = Fuel
In that season of my life, I went through a crisis, but I experienced a desperation for God I’d never known. And if crisis is a catalyst for change, desperation is the fuel that pushes you down the road.
A few years ago, I traveled with my son to Brazil to watch him compete in a soccer tournament against some of the country's best teams and players. At this top tournament in Brazil for boys under 16, they competed to secure a professional soccer contract in Brazil and abroad. My son played with a collection of American boys from all over the country, and though they were good, they were no match for the teams they competed against —they got smashed.
The takeaway I had from comparing these very accomplished American boys' play to that of Brazilian stars wasn’t their level of skill, but their measure of desperation. A vast majority of the Brazilians were poor, dirt poor, and this week was their best shot out of the slums they were born in. They were playing for professional contracts, but the Americans knew they could go home, attend college, get a great job, and have a successful life, regardless of how they performed. One poignant moment wrapped up this entire experience: At halftime of one game, the opposing coach berated his players by yelling, “If you lose to these Americans, you’ll end up carrying bricks for a living!”
In my life, the mix of crisis and desperation took me to a new level of commitment in my walk with God. My crisis put me on the path, but my desperation has fueled the last fifteen years of seeking God through scripture, prayer, meditation, and contemplation. I’m not an expert, but I know enough to share what I’ve learned with others in my church, in my personal life, and with those I met through the photography industry years ago.
Why a Return to School?
So why this program through Friends University? Not long after that crisis moment, I returned to professional ministry and found myself lacking the skills and knowledge to help people know God like I’ve come to know God, in a way that transforms the spirit. When considering my options for returning to school, I skipped over a traditional Master of Divinity program because, while that type of knowledge is invaluable, it doesn’t align with what I hope to learn.
For example, while knowing Greek and Hebrew is a fantastic tool, it doesn’t typically open up my soul to yours. It’s the things that speak directly to the heart that begin, continue, or enhance the transformation process, and this is what I’ve found myself doing more and more of over the past several years.
During my time away from professional ministry, I realized “pastor” wasn’t a title but a spiritual gift within a person. It is a gift within me. I constantly had people in this business context open up about their personal lives to me, so I was leading them spiritually. It’s only grown since I returned to a formal ministry role over the last decade. Currently, my days are split between developing leadership programs and materials and spending time with individuals, pastoring and leading them into deeper spiritual growth. I want to do more.
Again, I feel like I’ve scratched the surface in leading men and women into their spiritual journey, so they can avoid the same pitfalls of being “good” and become faithful followers of Jesus. I’m excited to start this new school journey, not because I know specifically what the future holds, but because I know it’s the next best step for me.
Another part of the application process included my personal church history. For me, this began at an early age, when I attended the nursery at a local church in Wichita, Kansas. I haven’t really ever stopped attending church. That’s 50 years of regular church attendance.
Praying for you as you start this next amazing season in your life.